Which qualities do we think about when we hear the word ‘depression’? We are very likely to think that a depressed person is unhappy, dispirited, tired and deflated. However, according to various estimates, depression manifests in a completely different way in 15–40% of cases – in a way that is rather difficult to recognise in yourself and among your friends.
Atypical, ie smiling, high-functioning depression, is a type of depression where a person seems to do well in life, is happy and energetic, but only on the surface. Behind the sociable, active and good-humoured mask is an empty and tired spirit. A person who is experiencing this type of depression is often unable to express what is happening to them. All they know is that the joyful facade does not reflect how they feel inside. Sometimes, however, they are very well aware of the despair and hopelessness in them, but feel like they must not show it. It may be difficult to concentrate. Sometimes, out of the blue, they may have bouts of irritation, anxiety and sadness, but a following happy event may truly make them feel good for a moment (which is one of the reasons they do not suspect depression). They may even have friends who have no clue what is going on inside someone dear to them. In addition, people often take their problems to the person suffering from smiling depression because they seem strong and understanding at the same time.
What the depressed person and their loved ones usually start to worry about is the former’s physical health. They either sleep badly or too much, or they may suddenly feel the need to take naps. Their appetite and weight have changed and their sex drive is gone. Depressed people may experience various aches, which vary from person to person – there are headaches, stomach, chest and back aches, or they might have the overall feeling of having been clobbered. They relieve tension by sitting at the computer or using various narcotic substances, but this does not add any joy to their life.
Identifying smiling depression in youth is complicated by the fact that family members often think that it is natural at this age to want to be alone all the time, so they rarely see the young person, even though the latter is tired of hiding their worries and deep down does not want to feel lonely at all. Moodiness alternating with cheerfulness, sensitivity to criticism and forgetting healthy habits tend to be normalised in youth. However, insecurity and feeling empty, mood swings, difficulty making decisions and concentrating, disturbing physical symptoms, not to mention suicidal thoughts, are serious signs of needing help. Seeking help really is important, because if a person has the energy to seem active and fun while feeling horrible, they also have the energy to commit suicide so that even their loved ones have no idea what is going on. Fortunately, depression is treatable – there are both drugs and effective psychotherapy methods available.
If you suspect you have smiling depression:
- Do not blame yourself. In a way, it makes sense that you are trying to cope with depression in this manner. You might be used to seeing yourself as a capable and active person who should not seem weak and worry others. Or maybe you see everyone’s wonderful life on social media and you do not want to feel inferior. Perhaps everything in your life is objectively fine, so it seems odd to be sad. You might have met people whose mental health seems to be in much worse shape, so you feel that your worries are not worth even talking about.
- Find someone who you can really trust – a friend, teacher, or family member – and tell them how you feel. The most important thing is having the courage to admit that everything is not fine. Then you can think about what to do next. Not feeling obligated to constantly hide and conceal your mood – that alone is a great relief. If you are not sure you can talk to someone you know well, you should try the following resources:
- Peaasi.ee consultations
- Child helpline: 116111 (24 h)
- School psychologists’ hotline: 1226 (Estonian, Mon-Fri from 16:00 to 20:00) and 1227 (Russian, Tue from 16:00 to 20:00)
- Pastoral care helpline 116 123 (24 h)
- Lifeline: 6558 088 (Estonian), 655 5688 (Russian) (every day from 19:00 to 07:00)
- If you seek help from a mental health professional or your family physician, be honest about how you feel. People with smiling depression often seek help, but focus on something else – wanting to be more successful, planning their time better, controlling their internet use etc.
- Think about activities which are not mandatory, but which could bring joy – try them out. Sometimes it helps to recall what you used to like to do. Do not wait until you are in a good mood to do these things The pleasant mood will come later, once you are already doing the thing.
- Exercise regularly in fresh air and practise other healthy habits. Changes in habits take time. Do little by little and be glad when you have managed to sleep even a little longer or are able to walk at a fast pace for longer than last week.
- Try various mindfulness exercises and meditation, but do not fret if they are not for you. People have different ways of coping with their mood. However, you should try and learn the skill of calm and deep conscious breathing – this always helps whenever you feel anxious or depressed.
The article was published on the youth information portal Teeviit in October 2022, which was dedicated to wellbeing.
Written by Kätlin Konstabel.
