The youth information portal Teeviit interviewed Rosanne, who became a mother at the age of 17. Rosanne tells us how she coped with this situation and shares her views on becoming a mother at such an early age.
What is your opinion about becoming a mother when you are that young?
Young is a broad concept… If we are talking about young under-age parents, I think it is very brave of them to take on such a responsibility and to have a child while they themselves are still children.
You became a mother at a young age. What is your experience like? Was it positive or negative?
It was positive in the sense that I got myself a best friend for life. But the decision to keep my baby was not without hardships. One big mistake I made was to believe, rather naively, that I would never split up with the father of my child. In reality, we split up when our daughter was eight months old and from that day on, I was alone with the baby, both financially as well as in terms of bringing up the child. Today, the father is involved in her life to some extent, but very little.
I must admit that I was not, after all, as grown-up as I believed myself to be at the time. After the separation, I became more focused on my friends and my child came second. It sounds harsh, but like most young people, I underestimated the responsibilities that come with having a baby.
Adolescents are rarely capable of anticipating what their life will be like in a few years’ time or with whom they will spend it. How old were you?
When I found out I was pregnant, I was 16 and gave birth at 17.
What were your first thoughts when you found out that you had a little miracle growing inside you?
First, I was in a complete shock. There were lots of questions going round in my head. Is it really that easy to get pregnant? How do I tell my father? How do I tell the child’s father and his parents? What shall I do? At that precise moment – trembling in the bathroom and clutching the pregnancy test with the plus sign – I had as many thoughts in my head as I had tears in my eyes.
People say that it is through others around us that we develop. How did your friends and family react to the news? Were you able to anticipate their reactions? Were you afraid to tell people?
I did the test at 5 am because I was so anxious about why my period was late that it was hard to get any sleep. I made the first phone call to my best friend at the time. I was crying and asked her to meet me right away because I had something to tell her. After twenty minutes, while sitting together on a bench by the roadside and talking about my situation, she said: “Have an abortion or we will not be able to go to parties together.” Several friends distanced themselves from me after hearing about the situation.
After telling my friend, I ran home and handed the positive test to my dad – he screamed and reacted exactly as I had expected. But once he calmed down, he said he would be there to support me in any way he could, and this is exactly what he has done throughout these past six years.
Abortion has been a subject of debate in the media for years, and there are those who are against it and those who are in favour of choice. How do you feel about abortion? Did you consider it?
I think whether to have abortion or not is every woman’s personal choice. Every child should be 100% wanted and loved. And no, I never considered having an abortion.
The sight of young mothers or pregnant girls in the street can make people frown. Do you think this is justified or should people be more supportive?
If someone has decided that only concerns them, then it is their choice and they should not be subjected to others’ scornful stares.
What was your pregnancy like? Did you go to school at the same time? Please describe this period, how difficult was it and how did you feel? Did the pregnancy go by rather quickly or did you feel that this time was never-ending?
Being pregnant was great – the growing belly, the baby’s movements, the immense anticipation. How it is possible to feel so much love for someone you have never met, long before they are born – it is astonishing…
During pregnancy, my whole way of living fell into place. Since both the baby’s father and I were still under-age, we had to find a place where we could live together and raise the child and buy things for the baby. Neither of us had any income, so we depended solely on others’ help. We got a lot of things from people we knew and from their acquaintances.
Towards the end of my pregnancy, I moved in with the baby’s father at his mother’s house.
I felt that his mother’s attitude towards me and the baby was rather negative, so I felt emotionally and mentally quite distressed during pregnancy. My partner did not have enough courage or strength then to protect us against all the situations that occurred. I can only say that it was a very difficult time.
Could you anticipate what your life was going to be like before you had the baby? Were your assumptions correct? Was having a baby easier or more difficult than you imagined?
I knew nothing about this kind of love. I did not know that such a powerful form of love was even possible. To be honest, a person who is not a parent will never know this kind of feeling.
Of course, there were difficult moments – first teeth, first fever – and I was completely inexperienced. Now that I am a mother of two, I know that once you have experience, it is only half the battle.
Could you name one thing you wish someone had told you or done for you at the time? What message do you have for other young people in the same situation?
It is all about feeling supported and knowing good people who are there for you.
Is there anything else you would like to add or share with the world?
Not all young mothers have the same experience as me. That was just my experience.
My attitude to life is that everything happens for a reason. I am about to have my third child and I am getting married. Had it not been for my little girl who decided to come into my life so unexpectedly, I would not be living the life I live today. I am so glad about the decision I made back then and where it has taken me.
Interview by Kätrin Zupsmann, member of the Content Creation and Collaboration Team of the youth information portal Teeviit
Published in the youth information portal Teeviit in 2022.
